A month and counting or countdown to 33

It's always difficult to summarise lifetimes in a few words, apparently people wish that things didn't happen or how they happened be more succinct.  I have a hard time these days putting words into simple patterns and disclose a lot of information in very few ideas.

It's almost a month since my mom passed, everyday I think I will just wake up, go to her room (my room now) and hold her in a tight embrace while figuring it was just a stupid silly awful dream.

That's not the case though, I've dreamt about that myself for a few days now, but as hard as it is to not have mom with me today, it's harder for me to picture her state had she survived the night.

August 26th 2009 - Jr's Birthday

I'm happy that she's no longer suffering respiratory issues, and that above all she was able to pass on in a way that didn't leave her stranded to a bed for months.

I see my dear little boy, and I see her in every smile he has, in every gesture and in every bit of speech he uses.  They even have the same issue with pronouncing spanish "r"s.

I will be 33 in a few days as well.  This will be my first birthday ever without mom by my side.  We had some hard times when she suffered from her pancreas, but she was always there, trying to make the best of her situation she kept me from most of what she was suffering.

A stronger woman I've never seen.

I hope that at some point I get to show at least half the strength she had in her time.

I am not comfortable with celebrating my birthday this year; I may be able to do something, for a bit, but she will be definitely missed, and this will be less than adequate in the best of circumstances.