A bittersweet symphony of the senses...

I was a weird kid.

Screw you guys, I was HIP!

NO no, I'm sure you'll say "we were all weird kids"... Oh, ok, so no, you agreed, well yeah I was a weird kid.

Sure enough I became a weird adult too, but I pass off as normal for a lot of people, so ... 

Back to the story, I was a weird kid, I didn't eat a lot of foods, and not because of lacking exposure, my mom tried ALL methods possible to have me eat new things...

Once she resorted to outright deceit tactics. See I hated "frijoles", I thought any food that was black could under NO circumstances be good for you. So, what does she go and do?  Got rid of the black beans and proceeded to present them as 'Beans' and they were all nice and shiny red.  Took me a while to catch on, by then it was a bit late to complain.

So, where was I?  Oh yes, Bittersweet.  The first time I tried a bittersweet sauce, chinese of course, was with my mother at a little out of place Chinese restaurant in what (back in the 80s) was a bustling Shopping Center in my area.

So, my first try at bittersweet was indeed a whole spectacle of the senses, as I had NO IDEA what to expect (I probably was 9), it really hit me.  A Satisfying taste that had undertones of something, not quite, irregular in an otherwise fruity amalgam.

So, what's this got to do with anything?

Today is mother's day in my area, it's a weird date for me, as today marks the first of many to come (please make it many!), without my mom by my side.

That's us in 2006 - my Birthday

We used to be inseparable (and quite phonetically similar insufferable).  Of course, life does come to an end to all of us, and as life would have it, she was the first to depart.

I am sad, I can't say I am not, but not because of it being mother's day.  That's a Stupid Hallmark (tm) Date.

I am sad because out of all the people I have shared this mortal coil, my mom is not here today to see where things would have taken us, today though, is no different than other dates this year past, EXCEPT for her birthday.  I was totally overwhelmed on her birthday and I just hope when the the earth reaches that point again of it's orbit, I am able to overcome how I felt that day.

So, why bittersweet?

My mom, showin Jr how it's done

Well, I am indeed, a bit happy, happy to be here, happy to share my life with great people, happy to have a successful (so far) career, and happy to have the most wonderful and adoring son I could dream of.
But I can't say it is all joy, I do miss my mom dearly.

People are wont to say "she's just a heartbeat away", or "she's in a better place" or more succinctly "we are all doomed to the same fate"; sure, sure I get it, life is just a middle point between birth and death, but I do still miss her.  Sometimes I feel her SO close that my mind wanders off for hours, just being grounded again by dawn.

Mom at "Dia de los Abuelitos" - Last time she was able to visit Jr's school

I know that near the end, my mom used deceit again with me, I know she preferred to 'hide the black beans' with a lot of effort on her part.  Not everyone can pull a fast one on me people, I can assure you of that.  But when my mom told me she was "all right, just a little tired" I used to fall for it quite easily, no one could've convinced me that she was only capable of using 20% of her lungs, and STILL lead a life where I counted on her FAR more than I probably should.

I have to say, "Mom, wherever you are now, you fooled me, and fooled me right, you did it always for my benefit, but that doesn't mean I liked it one bit!!"

For now, that's it, that's my story.  I'm still a weird kid, or grown up (trying to not let it get to me), but thankfully I was never really aloof with my mom, today, it's just another day, but as I did while she was right here, I celebrate mother's day everyday.

Sometimes all we need is for them to hold our hand, others, we get to hold them

Good night...