Turn, turn, turn... Or how people don't live the moment but await the date.

When I was an itty-bitty baby, like 3 or so, my mom took me to the amusement park.  She took me lots of times afterwards but THIS one stuck on my mind (and 30 years is quite a memory marker), so I want to share with all of you.

So, we're at the Amusement Park, and we go through the gate, this is not like Disney World or anything, back then it was like (for you outside CR) a VERY big state fair that never went away.  EVER.

So, they had all these rides for children and some for grown ups, it was (back then) mostly for the kids.

So again I go through the gate to this magical place and I see for the first time ever, all these rides, it was just amazing.

We had a Ferris Wheel, we had little "lady-bug" rides, a carrousel, a rollercoaster that was SCARY (the scariest thing is it is still running), and a whole bunch of other rides.

So I jumped in on the first one, and while I was riding the carrousel, I was looking at the next ride, joyfully awaiting the moment the carrousel stopped and I was able to run and queue up for the bumper cars; once on the bumper cars, same thing, I wanted to just finish fast so I could go to the ride-boats.

My mom took me aside of course (mostly because she didn't want to run from ride to ride, but also to give me one of the greatest lessons ever) and said "You aren't really enjoying yourself on the rides because you are waiting to jump on the next one, you're missing the MOMENT!"

Back then it really didn't mean much to me, it was just a "OK slow down and enjoy THIS ride, once off, I'll figure out what comes next", but little by little her words started to sink in and give me more context.

These days, I extrapolate a bit more.  Maybe it's just because I've grown older, but I highly doubt it.  Lately I see people (not just commerce) RUSHING towards the holidays, and by holidays I mean Christmas.

As far back as August I saw people on Facebook asking if it's too soon to start putting up ornaments because they "JUST LOVE Christmas". 

AUGUST guys, AUGUST.  FOUR months ahead. 

I've even heard of people Caroling already, you know singing Christmas Songs, in OCTOBER.

I hear some say that it's because in Latin America, we don't really have holidays between September and December (that said most of Central America Celebrates independence in September but I digress), but damn it people, by the time December comes your tree will be wilted, you will seriously want to murder someone for singing Carols, and the gifts will have probably got up and found a different family to be delivered to.

Yes, I LIKE Christmas, I enjoy Christmas, but things have a time, a place and a proper setting.

Enjoy your moments people, they don't come back, and once you fast forward to the places you "love" and miss those "less special", you are the only one to blame when you fail to grow from experiences, living ahead of your time, and enjoying none of it and this is precisely what you pass down to your children, a feeling of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and not living IT.

Perfect Perception of Possible Scenarios.

As some of you may have noticed, that is you are there to notice (if a person blogs in the forest and there's no one to read it do people even notice?)... I have been writing a bit about me, how I feel and my parents.

It's therapeutic and it does shed some light on things that I see, and live daily.

That's not all there is though, I have been writing to find my centre, my precise spot of comfort, they say that the only way to get good at writing is to do it daily and often, hey no matter how lousy you are, if you can engage just ONE person, you can definitely make a difference; so I am making a habit of writing.

I also write in the off-chance that it will create some sort of enlightening circumstance in my day where something I put here, will actually make me write some more about different things.

Right now, it's mostly thoughts on "paper", I believe on this as a journal, so while I may not put life changing thoughts here, it is indeed a mind-dump of my personal life.

I write in order to make myself a better dad as well, I look back on my experiences with my parents, and I try to gain an insight on what it was that made them such great parents, at least according to my experience of course.

I do this, in order to really make a difference on my son as well.

As some of you may know, I am a first time parent, while I am 33, this whole experience of caring for a little human being is a completely alien and horrifying scenario at times.

So, I want to be better and more than that, the best I can be at it.

I read a few blogs a day, and today, I read this on the Art of Manliness about how "The Child is the Father to the Man", if you have a few minutes, go ahead and give it a read.

So, I've always thought that whatever upbringing you have, whatever choices your parents made, and how you learn to react to them, will mould the person and practical Grown human being you end up being.

With my son, my approach is that of a friendly father figure, I don't know the "stern driver" of a Dad doesn't quite suit with me.

We do things together, and I do things FOR him, while I teach (or try to) how and why I do things and take decisions.

He is 7 though, so following my train of thought is not always that straight forward (that may also be because sometimes I can't even follow where I started or ended up with the idea myself), but it's a fun exercise.

A few days ago, we had our Independence Day celebration, I am not the most nationalist person in this country.  BY FAR not the right person to teach how to love this country.  I like it, don't get me wrong, but I've been exposed to the fallacies of politics and the idiotic behaviour of steadfast nationalist bigots, to know that it's not in me to try and sell that to a child.

But it's also my civic duty to do so, and I may as well do things right for him and future generations.

So, this weekend we made a "farolito".  You know how you get fireworks commemorating the rockets and the fighting that the US went for on their fight for independence?  Well, here we actually make lanterns in remembrance of how hard it was back in the 1800s to get a message through the whole of Central America of independence.  People walked, rode horses, mules or whatever they could find with torches or lanterns to light their way.  So the WHOLE celebration has a runner with the Torch of Independence going through the country, and the kids, well the kids celebrate with their own version of it.

Over the years, it has gotten more and more elaborate, back when I was a child, it was good common place to just have a simple lantern with a candle inside, and we used to march through the street on the 14th of September with our lanterns and sing the national Anthem.

These days schools STILL ask us to make the lanterns (some are even ok with store bought though) and for the family to go to school and celebrate.

So, being the way I am, I dove into it wholeheartedly.  You know, for Jr.

Coffee, cutting mat and materials

Ideally, this would not have been a coffee fueled binge of creativity, but as luck would have it, I though Jr was going away for the weekend and that assistance WAS NOT mandatory.  I was wrong on both accounts and it was all for the better to be honest. 

Deep in the realms of Cutting on board...

I decided to go with an "adobe house" or what people believe was the custom here ages ago (about 192 years ago if you go by independence date).  I like making things with my hands, and I like to believe myself to be meticulous in the undertakings, so I did it to scale, 1:50.  Totally unnecessary as it was just supposed to be lighted up later, but I can't help it, I couldn't just build it haphazardly.

AS such though I didn't want to do it all alone, after all this is a family task, so Jr did the painting and colouring  bit messy, but all his!

Indeed we had a bit of fun on that (to be honest I cringed at the thought of it being less than perfect but I'm learning about this parenting thing as I go as I mentioned).

Light off final house

With our little "torch" light inside

In the end of course it was his face which lit the brightest, I still don't know if I am doing everything right, I actually think I am not going "by the book" on a lot of these things, but I am learning and pushing myself at it.

To do things with our hands is in reality what separates us from animals, our use of tools and our creative ability.  To squander that gift just because stores sell things, I believe is one of our gravest mistakes; and one I hope he doesn't make.  But this is definitely something I need to preach by example, only by doing can I show him the need and the satisfaction of it.

“What a man knows should find its expression in what he does. The value of superior knowledge is chiefly in that it leads to a performing manhood.” –Christian Nestell Bovee

So, if I want for my son to be a great father as a boy to himself as an adult, I must act and perform that way myself, as such he is also, as a boy, a father to me; in a way that I learn from him by performing, and doing myself, and hoping that "my best" is indeed good enough.

Presentable Paranoia and Simple misunderstandings

So, here's this thing, you know how sometimes you think there's nothing you can do to make amends, that is you messed up and things simply don't seem to get any better no matter what you say?

Well, I sometimes get that without saying or doing anything really, I just worry about what people will say or think over stuff I may have done which no one has complained about at all but still makes me worry.

Sometimes it's as simple as something I said that may be misunderstood, other times is the way I act which may be misconstrued at a different level and people will react to it in ways that are simply randomly selected out of their OWN messed up Psyche.

We all suffer from Paranoia a bit, we all worry needlessly over certain behaviours which could be left alone and no one would bat an eye, but sometimes we seek that final confirmation that we can make things better.

And, just like that, by asking; we make them all the worse.

See, if people didn't notice you saying something offensive, the reality is, that if you ASK about it, they will end up noticing it all the more.  If they were just acting like they didn't notice, well then, you JUST confirmed it to them.

So, which one is better, act the fool, or just come out and say things straight?  Depends on the outcome you want.  If you GENUINELY and unequivocally require to make amends, go for the kill and the question, but that may not fix anything at all.

Why do I go about this?

It's simple, while I was born in a Latin country, where Spanish is THE main form of communication, my use of it is haphazard at best.

I have been thinking and talking in English long enough that the 1st meaning of any word I utter, is the English variant and that leads to all sorts of weird outcomes when speaking with people that MAINLY use Spanish.  It's not at total lack of communication, but it does yield some impressive misunderstandings.

As is my nature, I ask about this, and more often than not, end up making a bigger thing out of something no one would have noticed.

It's fun sometimes though, I am separated from others by a common language and hilarity ensues.

Vacations, Vacant Memories, and Vague Dreams

This post will have less pictures that some of my other ones,  the Scanner is stuck in a box somewhere and well... I don't want to take grainy pictures of pictures with my phone just so I can post them here, so... Not many pictures, or at least not the pictures I have at hand.

A lot of this post will have to take place in your imagination as well, I guess I'll have to be quite more descriptive for that to happen, so I'll do my best to be a decent writer and create the environment.

September, has always been a transitioning month for me, back in Highschool, while not starting classes back then (our schedule is a bit off from the US, our School year starts in Feb-March), we did have a new set of activities, the year changed, Exams started and on September 1st, my dad's birthday came on.

I loved his Birthday, it was always full of people and happiness and cooking.

His last birthday, the one we spent together before he passed away, was a weird affair though.

My Dad, well, step-dad had a family before me and my mom, cool people, we don't get along though, and that Birthday they asked him to go and see them early and spend time with them, so he felt maybe, it would be nice, and we cancelled our plans.  Weren't really going to do anything for it, we'd wait a few days.

Turns out the "noble gesture" was asking him early so he could pick up the shirt they got him as a present so they ALL could go to the beach without him.

My dad was a bit broken up about it.  Back then I was 20, so, 13 years ago, I didn't have a job outside of working with my family (that is him and my mom) and my salary was pretty much enough to go out sometimes and chill, but not exorbitant.

Hearing that my dad was going to spend a birthday without celebrating was something I would not stand for, I called in a LOT of favours, and managed to get us into a restaurant that had JUST opened (it was opening night), so, me, my mom and my girlfriend celebrated all out as Rock Stars on that new Fusion restaurant.

Then, after that, we went to the casino and had a grand time, he even made a killing on the floor as well.  He cried for a while and we got really emotional about it, that was our last birthday together, while I didn't know THAT at the time, I felt that this was the least we could do for each other, be happy, enjoy life, and face it together as well.

Ever since his passing, September, and September 1st to be honest are weird hard months for me.  It used to be that they were hard on me and my mom, but, as luck would have it, she's not here anymore either.

6 Months now, six months have passed since my mom left us, and it ended up being that THIS September both dates would hit me harder than expected.

So it didn't surprise me when come September (1st at that) I woke up with a face covered in tears.

Why was that you'd say?  Well you would if you were real and sitting in front of me.  Maybe, as it stands you are a screen full of text right now and not capable of retort.  So, well, you did say it anyway, stop being picky.

I had a dream about my parent's.  It was weird in the way dreams tend to be weird, so stuff was out of place but not so much so that bending Physics, reality and the overall structure of the universe WASN'T weird.

In this dream, I had somehow attained a time machine, and managed to meet my parent's at one of their vacation spots, I believe it was Dominican Republic, or Jamaica.  Definitely the Caribbean.

So, there I was, at a bar on top of the Sea it was on a bay, and they had built right on top of the ocean, people swam to it and climbed a ladder onto the bar.


So there I was, feeling like a cool Bond Character type, when I see them, walking up the beach, hand in hand, all smiles and happiness like I remember them, in love and totally in control I guess.

They didn't recognise me, of course they wouldn't know me as I am now (or so my dream self thought), and we struck a conversation.  Emotional as I was in the dream, it never prepared me for what continued, as not only did we strike a conversation, but we became friendly to each other.

Here's the thing, I always was friends with them while they were alive, but to feel their acknowledgement, and to know that if life had not been as kind to me as it was, and had I been born of other parents I could STILL have been their friend?  That just did me in.

We struck our good byes, and farewells, and I saw them leave, and here is where I woke, face full of tears, and a heart sunk inside me.  Not only do I miss my parents, I miss our friendship.  I miss our closeness.

Sometimes, I wish, I could just let it all Pass, and wake when September ends...

Factual Truth above all... or why I argue with my self?

I know that there is nothing better than the feeling that not only are we right, but people agree with us and that makes it THE TRUTH.

But, a couple of things will definitely put a damper on it, one of them being reality.
Our opinion, is nothing more than that a coherent array of thoughts put together out of our own volition due to terminology, definitions and experiences that while, sometimes shared by others, is still OUR very own.

Going online we are bombarded every day with information from all the types of sources you can imagine, some legitimate, some not, a lot simply are there for the shock factor, and our own upbringing will easily play a part to which ones we decide to align with.

Confirmation bias is a powerful crutch.

Confirmation bias has been described as an internal "yes man"

I have been reading some post by friends, family, and just overall internet people (a sub-human interdependent state that is acquired through anonymity and the desire to be noticed), where people just go on an "I told you so GUYS! See? I was right, this article says I was and all of you weren't!!" tirade that is overwhelming to say the least.

A few months ago, a very "devout" catholic friend of mine posted a link to what appeared to be a Gay youth leader in France that was vehemently opposing the Civil Union of same sex couples as something he deemed unnecessary and "evil".

As you can imagine there are HUNDREDS of thousands of pages that may disagree with that, but he was quite proud of finding a GAY person moving against Gay marriage in France.

Another friend of mine pointed me to a female friend of hers, that found a girl who was raised by a Gay Father that totally despised and abhorred the idea that other children would have to put up with what she did, her father paraded men into the household sometimes even neglecting his children in lieu of this.

Neither of those are really anything more than people having an opinion and finding someone that agrees with them if, at all for the wrong reasons, the Gay activist fighting against Gay Marriage is doing it out of a Religious reason, not particularly because he thinks Gay people should not be together.

The girl is arguing that her PROMISCUOUS and aloof father was a bad influence for her but that would have been the case whether he was straight or not.

Today, I see someone posting an article about how marihuana DOES INDEED cause memory issues and how it should not be legalized EVAH!...

"Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my HEAD! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!" -Denis Leary

Right, again confirmation bias, he hates it, he hates all types of drugs, and found the one article that agrees with his point of view.

Replace Creationist for Biased and we're GOLD!

We all do it mind you, I rather read literature that is more akin to my point of view that that which blatantly disagrees with what I like, but, I am open to peer review.

One of the things I enjoy the most out of the scientific method is that when we formulate a hypothesis, we are always prepared to have it DIS-proven as easily as proven.  Ego of course gets in the way, as it does with everything, but we are more likely to get clearer reasoning and proof this way.

I have though, been seeing a LOT more people just run wild with a "conclusion" and then seek facts to make their conclusion stand, albeit shakily so that they can look down on others.

I am not saying Guava does not cure Cancer, but using an article that came through email where the "JohN HOpskings Hospital" (sic) said that Chemotherapy was a hoax, is totally ludicrous, if you firmly believe Cancer can be cured with fruit and a balanced diet that is your prerogative, but using a clearly fabricated lie to support it, will definitely reduce credibility to your arguments.

Take time and question what you read, look at alternate sources (reputable sources if possible!) and investigate.  Taking information at face value causes a lot more issues than researching for 10 more minutes; after all, Nazi Germany found studies where the Übermensch were a "proven" reality, and we all know how THAT turned out...

let's all mindlessly complain about things that are actually good

HOW DARE a corporation charge for parking?

So, I went today to one of the Malls in the area, it's quite simply one of the most transited malls in my zone, and seriously one where people feel they should "hang out".

They decided to institute a new thing (as, I might add, most shopping centers now) which is mandatory parking charges; this is regardless of parking underground or not; underground parking was always charged for at a cost of ABOUT $0.75 an hour, and people (I know I did) gladly paid for it as cars were safer, secure and most importantly not at the mercy of the elements.

Now, they want to charge for the privilege of parking anywhere near the premises; and I am not only OK with that I agree wholeheartedly and welcome it.

Another mall did it, and people complained to the high heavens, I am actually amazed that they didn't go on strikes and boycotted the mall.  All because NO ONE wanted to pay $0.60 for 4 hours of parking.

Here's what people don't get.

"sorry bub, even though we saw everything, we're not responsible"

Free parking was never free.  You were welcome to worry as much as you wanted about your car getting burglarized, bumped into, crashed or vandalized before and the administration of the shopping centers shrugged off and said "well, it's free parking, we're not to blame or even have any responsibility in this matter".

Now, they are charging for the parking, NOW they can't just shrug and say "not my problem" anymore, not IT IS THEIR goddamn problem.

I welcome the extra charge, if this means that I drive up to a mall and CAN ACTUALLY park near an entrance because hundreds of non-consumer mall rats have no place to go now that daddy or mommy can't afford the $0.50 cents of parking, THAT makes me happy.

You go to a temple of consumerism and expect NOT to pay while walking around the hallways aimlessly and without any purpose?  Jesus people there are actually paying customers that have to turn around after 20 minutes because parking is just not an option.

I drove there today, it was BEAUTIFUL, they haven't started charging yet, but the gates are there, that's a deterrent for the vagrants if I've seen any.

Maybe I'm pushing it, but if you don't want to pay, don't go!

Will the Mall lose customers?  Not really, no, it will lose non-consumers, it will make sure that the people that go there actually are planning on staying with a purpose, and more importantly it will certifiably improve security for those of us who are quite willing to cough up the candy-bar worth of parking charges that come with it.

Breaking of unbreakable

I like super hero movies. Ages ago I would never have even allowed myself to acknowledge that. I mean super hero movies were cheesy. Awful and a quick way to sell toy licenses that had nothing to do with the actual movie. 

Then along came a movie that was as much about sure heroes as The Village was about technology. 

Sure. Shyamalaman's movies weren't the best of their kind and it came to be expected for them to ALWAYS have a twist ending. They got more about the twist than the content, but unbreakable (in my eyes) was a completely different thing. 

It was a good super hero origin story for our new urban settings. 

Spoilers ahead for a 13 year old film (seriously?)

Average Joe is presented with a fantastic story about why he's so lucky and is never really sick, injured or why seems to know how people will act. 

Of course he doesn't buy it. Not at first. Not totally. 

But as the movie progresses it's less about him believing he is truly Unbreakable and more about he WANTS to be this hero. This person his son looks up to. Someone that can really make a difference. 

See, if you are a parent, and mainly a father, you know where I am coming from. Our sons worship the ground we walk on. 

Things we do?  It's magic to them and if not magic it's something NO OTHER human being can out perform!

Our children want to believe we are there to save the world, or at least everything that is THEIR world, and we more often than not, are definitely there to comply. 

So, why do I like it so much?  Because I really want to be that same hero some day, the person he looks up to. I may not be unbreakable but I sure as hell won't let him know I am not!

The origin of this hero?  That need to make the world better for our children. That's what unbreakable was about for me. Making them believe again. 

As bad as the movie was, in a lot of senses it was outstanding to me.